Potty Mouth

Perhaps I am being a little old fashioned here but I assume that there would be somewhat of a social stigma attached to the admission that one uses ones phone whilst on the toilet. Perhaps it is normal practice for Generation Z, and possibly Generation Y.

Whatever the case, I believe there are bad practices and then there are behaviors that are much, much worse. From least worst to worse worst I propose the following hierarchy:

1)      Reading on line media on the throne.

2)      Checking your facebook status but not updating it.

3)      Checking your facebook status and updating it, but not specifically detailing what you are doing at the time

4)      Checking your facebook status, updating it with what your doing

5)      Checking your facebook status and then ‘checking in’, though I cant conceive that anyone would actually do that.

6)      Texting a friend

7)      Texting a family member.

8)      Answering your phone when it rings and giving a curt ‘I’ll call you back’

9)      Answering your phone while it rings and having a conversation.

10)   Answering your phone and having a conversation whilst on a public toilet in a row of cubicles that is clearly occupied by others (this literally just happened to me).

All of this is perhaps a little disgusting, but in there somewhere from 1 to 10 is quite likely something that you (and I) have done at least once or twice, whether we would like to admit it or not.

What are the consequences of such behavior? For actions 1-7, at worst, you might drop your phone. Survival case or not you know you are going to go in after it and from that moment forward, no matter how well you clean it, you will always be cringing when you put it to your ear and close to your mouth.
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Due to the proximity of your hand to your face and the potential for the the transmission of bacteria, actioning item 8 – 10 could result in dire case of dysentery which may, in many less well developed countries, result in death. At this point I would ask you to consider who is less well developed: the populous of a country without mobile phones or the populous of a country that talk on their phones whilst taking a dump?

Whether you engage in any one of 1 - 10, or all of the above, you can only hurt yourself or audibly insult those in the next cubicle. But if you are using your phone on the plane you are putting my life in danger - or at least, that is what the Captain is telling me you are doing.. Whatever the case, I am not cool with that at all.

So next time you are on a plane think carefully about using your phone. You could be sitting next to me and if I see it I will forcibly extract it from you and post it down the porcelain express into excretory oblivion!